Grannies Gone Wild #121

Sunny has watched "Grannies Gone Wild" 43 times so far in his lifetime. Watch the episode HERE. You can also read every single Grannies Gone Wild entry HERE. It's been almost exactly three years since Sunny has seen this episode of Reba.

My dad loved Walker, Texas Ranger. Was it because of Chuck Norris? I don't know what he found appealing about the show exactly, but maybe the procedural plots and Karate were enough. I've been reflecting a lot recently that I can't remember much of my childhood, which is odd, and sad. But some things peek through, like Walker Theme #3.

I've been having a strange week/month/year. JMK's recent posts on the Brad Garrett show has made me want to watch some situational comedy. But really, there's only one sitcom for me. Is there a way to recreate my childhood TV experience again, with my favorite TV show as an adult? Julia Cameron says even if you can't travel to Paris, maybe you can put on a beret and have a croissant. Is there value in getting close?

Minor research has revealed Reba is syndicated on the UPtv network, which is carried by Comcast and most major cable providers. (Smash these fucking oligopolies and turn them into the utilities they are.) I drove out to my parent's place in the suburbs, as they have cable TV still (it may be stolen), to watch my precious Reba.

UPtv is not provided at my parent's house. I've signed up for the online streaming service "Philo," based on the dough I assume. Let's see what's on.

Heartland: a program about horse girl sisters trying to run their multi-generational horse ranch under the watchful tutelage of their horse grandfather. My old roommate in Maryland loved Heartland. She binged the shit out of it during her portion of the COVID "stay inside and watch TV all day" months. I couldn't ever really get the series plot. I get these two sisters love each other but can't stand each other. Also, there's a little girl who always threatens to fall off a horse and die.

My roommate absolutely is a horsegirl; she owns her own horse. Growing up in south Jersey, many of my schoolmates were horsegirls (or horsegirls-in-dream). Horsegirls have, like, two or three main aesthetics. This show really captures that.

Oh damn, Commercials! Yes, Commercials, a very real part of watching TV. These fine sponsors are why Philo costs only $28 a month. I've so little commercials in my life anymore that this feels like content from a foreign land, yet oddly nostalgic. 

ABRACADABRA: the Contractor-strength wonder cleaner. How the fuck is it melting all that stickiness? I have to admit I'm oddly enamored... Do I LIKE infomercials?

Back to Heartland. Man, some old guy fell off a horse? That's gotta be the main "thing" that happens in this show. Someone falls off a horse, horse kicks someone in head, horse shits on your shoes, &c.

I buy the fancy degreaser at the store sometimes and it doesn't cut grease that well... is ABRACADABRA real? Or another trick?

Ad for another great UPtv show Blue Bloods with Tom Selleck. Real big mustaches on this show... The grandpa on Heartland had a big ol' 'stache too. Is THAT the uniting theme of this tv station?

For a horsegirl show, there's not that much horseriding in it. It's a lot of filler. I wonder if all this inside filler is just shot in LA or something. Do people who like this show enjoy the filler, or is it a Dragonball Z situation?

More ads... What the fuck is "Brand Power" anyway? I noticed it showing up one day, like those "COMPASSION: pass it on" billboards at the airport. Who the fuck is paying for Compassion?

Alright, Walker's on, baby. This theme "song" is burned into my brain; cause the EYES OF THE RANGER ARE UPON YOU. God, there's so much Walker. This is season 9?

Oh, here's a commercial for the app itself... Philo is... Philo Farnsworth? Who? Professor Farnsworth?

Philo agrees that TV has gotten really bad and so this network is the solution! How? Don't worry about it.

And UPtv is part of the Philo family, showing you UPlifting television programming. So that's the uniting element. That and the mustaches (if there's a mustachioed Reba character in other episodes, I wouldn't know).

Alright—Reba's on! But, wait, I can't watch this... I can't, WATCH this... Season 5 Episode 3 "As Is." Brock is locked in his car? No, no, I'm tuning out even harder.

You know how people talk about the "dual screen experience" re: shows and movies now? i.e. this show is so boring I'm on my phone the whole time? I was dual-screening when it was horrendously uncool. Desktop computer pirating Photoshop, Deus Ex, and Lord of the Rings, whatever. Simultaneous CRT TV showing nonstop epsiodes of Law and Order: SVU, Home Improvement, Reba honestly, poached in a red Advert sauce. This has probably been the most nostalgic part of the whole afternoon.

Oh snap, S5E7 is even weirder, continuing to tune out...

Oh hey, they had Reba film a new spot promoting this network. Reba's looking pretty good, aging gracefully. Hope she's getting paid big for all this.

OOOOOOOOK Mrs. H are you ready for a healthy breakfast? We're finally on!

A COMMERCIAL. Wow. Obviously, I've been watching these all day, but now I was actually paying attention to Reba. Hmmm, an ad for a speculum you can buy and bring to your next OB/GYN appt. I guess that is the sort of tool you would want your own individual one, right?

Hell yeah, now we're in jury duty, hell yeah. There's Stephen T. Absolutely (daytime) Emmy award-winning performance we're watching here. 

Oh yeah, the Errol Flynn thing, I almost forgot about that whole investigative arc. We got any of his movies in the Film Club?

And here's the GGW punchline, bam! The crowd loses it! Commercial break! Yeehaw!

Back to the courtroom. Bailiff Ron kicks ass as always. 

And finally we're back at Reba's. We're getting the emotional climax, and Reba's lesson and message for Van and the audience.

Van getting mad, yeah, this all feels like putting on a familiar old sweater.

The STINGER."I think we better make sure!" Hah!

Aaaand an ad.

Another Reba, Van and Jake are arguing about Underdog vs. Spiderman? Time to wind this down.

Oh, this network also has Hudson & Rex. I do love Hudson and Rex. Rex has a mustache, kind of. Time to unsubscribe.

Thanks for joining me on my waste of a day. If you want to watch Reba on TV, particularly "Grannies Gone Wild," I guess it's on Thursday, August 21st at 10:30 AM (9:30 AM central), which probably will have already passed, and then Monday, September 15 at 10 (9c). See ya there.

Yearlong Song Challenge, Day 1: Sunny

Prompt: "A song about starting over"

Selected by Sunny

"Starting Over Again"

Reba McEntire

Starting Over, 1995

You can see me at 0:03 holding the sign in the video there.

Reba is branded on me after Summer Challenge '22. Much like a tattoo one gets when they're young, as I get older, the meaning changes, but the Brand remains the same.

Beyond, of course, the critically acclaimed sitcom, Reba has a spot in my heart as one of the country singers who "breaks through" my inherent biases. I've made enough hay about this just through our RC '23 country albums. Reba is great because she has the prototypical country Presentation and Register, but often sings about atypical country topics and narratives. She'll sing from the perspective of challenged protagonists: women, children, world-weary men, etc. She'll create a whole critically acclaimed sitcom about a single mother just trying to make it, etc.

This rendition of "Starting Over Again" is elevated by my Queen of Country. Note her low timbre and register, the mild vibrato, and the incredible presence. Note the full string orchestra she brought to the party. Note the subject material of a couple who splits up after ~30 years in a low drama way. Not dead, not destroyed, but altered, and now in a vulnerable time trying to figure out how to start over in their lives. There's a relatability to this song even if you've never been in the situation, and Reba drives that nail home.

Of course one'll mention the other Queen of Country, Dolly, who has maybe a more famous rendering, another big country artist who inverts the genre for me. And of course writing credit to the Queen of Disco Donna Summer, with also a great version, but I came to this prompt Reba-first, so here we are.

Also Ran:

• "I Will Buy You a New Life" — There's really only one Everclear song. Whether that to you is "AM Radio," "Santa Monica," "Father of Mine," or "I Will Buy You a New Life" depends on your radio station in the late '90s.
• "Landslide" — I'm sure this will come back around again, by my hand or otherwise

P.S. Just since this is the first day, I will meta-reflect in that 180 days * 100 words = 18,000 words, or about the length of a short story. A novel's about 100K, which Nate Dogg did last summer, and was a personal inspiration. I am very eager to read everyone's short story / collection of mini-essays this year. It'll be far more refreshing than whatever else comes across my desk in the AM hours.

Grannies Gone Wild #104

Sunny has watched "Grannies Gone Wild" 42 times so far this summer. Watch the episode HERE. You can also read every single Grannies Gone Wild entry in the archives HERE.

36.      

0602: I have Jury Duty today. Normally this is just a regular annoyance/occurrence, but in a post-GGW world, this can only really be about Reba and the BJ subplot. I am re-watching the episode in the morning before driving out to the courthouse. BJ is 1289 (previously 1536). I am juror 209. If I understand this episode correctly, despite what JST says, I might get out of jury duty for being annoying. I have loaded GGW onto my phone in case I have time to watch it again during the day.

0840: The façade is immediately crumbling. We're not in a courtroom, we're in an American Legion gymnasium, seated six feet apart from one another. Definitely some of the characters I recognize: we've got Joan, Eric, Ernesto, Abigail, Carl, AA. A knock-off Bailiff Bron. No garden gnome though, hmm. And no judge. There are about 50 people here, even though the call number was up to 250. How come the Reba court only had some ~20 people? And their numbers were in the thousands?

0915: We've been shown a brief orientation video, which is fine. I assume all this was off-screen on Reba. However the orientation video then segued seamlessly into the feature length film The Sandlot, which we are all now watching (assuming you're not looking at your phone, like 90% of the people in here are). This all must have been cut from the episode.

1100: Movie's done. No sign of anyone official still.

1105: Another movie... National Treasure this time... boy, Nic Cage is a classic.

1205: Break for lunch! We're given $15 for the day (BJ did it simply for the love of Order)

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37.

1255: I watched the Reba again at lunchtime to make sure I wasn't mis-remembering. No, the TV experience was definitely different from the real-world experience. Lunch was a Rotiboy and Viet Coffee from "The Bun Shop" in Towson, MD. 5/5 pukes

1305: Some action! The judge emerges... she looks more like Reba than JST. She explains she will be asking all the potential jurors questions, and you are to "silently stand" if any of the questions pertain to you. If additional information is required, she'll call us to the back (I suppose that's where you explain your nickname is White Thunder etc.).

1347: The judge has retired to behind a curtain and is calling numbers for interviews. The numbers start at 1. I can't imagine getting to 1536.

1348: National Treasure is put back on.

1430: Well National Treasure is over now. They're still calling numbers for interviews... they're at 170... I can't even imagine getting to my 209...

1435: Oh God another movie... This time Failure to Launch with McConaughey, good lord.

1447: The judge is back! She begins calling numbers for jurors to stand in the front. It finally feels like Reba! 2, 4, 1536, er, I mean, 6. 10, 12, 14, 20, 25, 29, 30, 52, 60. The lawyers take one look at 10, 30, 52 and tell 'em to scram. Absolutely no reason given. 62, 85, 100 fill in. 110, 114 alternates. And that's the day! Everyone thanks a lot, go home.

I didn’t even get to sidebar. What a waste of a day.

I would rate Reba's portrayal of jury duty as LOOSELY accurate to real life.

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38. Today I am just going to do a normal ass watching of this show and note things I haven't noticed before. This late in the summer I expect to only find the most boring things. I also can't remember the entire massive canon at this point, so hopefully I'm not repeating anything:

• They have nice copper pots and pans hanging. Reba must care about the kitchen. Except Van is cooking his eggs in a stainless-steel skillet—the bonehead was probably asked not to use the copper anymore, scratching them up or something
• Cheyenne never takes out the Kippy peanut butter jar for her lunch, it's already on the counter, how convenient for her. But then after making her open-faced sandwich, she just sticks the knife in the jar, leaves the lid open, and leaves. Cheyenne you know we get ants in Houston right?
• The characters refer to each other a lot by name, even in the middle of conversation. I find that just slightly odd. Everyone says "Barbara Jean" fully too, every time.
• I guess technically Reba IS a grandma that could sign up for ceramics class. Except Van implicitly bringing up their kidnapped child here is pretty gauche.
• What's up with ECW's weird gait at 11:15?
• I love that JST has a massive thermos on his desk. Must be a hard job.
• I appreciate the little pat-pat that Reba gives Cheyenne after their conversation towards the end of the episode. It’s important to know how to leave any convo.
• One wonders what happened in the intervening 60 years from the nursing home scene to the stinger, how else did Brock and Van dig at each other? Brock embarrasses Van in front of Cheyenne's new friends, Van cuts Brock's brake lines; Brock dis-invites Van to his famous annual Fourth of July BBQ, Van does an "upper decker" in the toilet. I'm sure there were many more in all the Reba we won't be watching.

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39.  Hey there true believers, welcome back to the Sugar Shack. Today, we're going to talk about an all time classic: the Reese's Peanut Butter cup.

Now, I'm not going to go into the details of the RPBC because you already know it. Reese's has dominated candy sales for years, domestically, internationally, holiday, non-holiday, convenience store, big box, whatever. If it’s not #1 it's in the top five. We get it.

No, instead I want to talk about product line extensions. CPG companies like Hershey's and Mars are addicted to profits, so even with a winningest product like the RPBC, you still need to release new products to juice top line sales a bit. What's an easy idea? Fuck around with the size.

Here are several of the Reese's products with approx. PB ratios:

• Reese's Thin 19% PB
• Reese's Mini 28% PB
• Reese's Miniature (wrapped) 40% PB
• Reese's Classic 42% PB
• Reese's Snack Size 44% PB
• Reese's King Size 55% PB
• Reese's Big Cup 63% PB

And that's just the "main-line." We're not even including holiday favorites such as egg, pumpkin, heart. Or novelty cups such as the "Thank You" line (even larger than Big Cup) or the World's Largest (as named). Or novelty-novelty lines such as the Reese Peanut Butter Lovers, which is 100% PB. And sucks—the shell tastes like PB flavored white chocolate. At least they haven't gone the other way with a chocolate lover's. What would that be, a 3 Musketeers?

A lot of these products come and go because frankly they can't all find footing in the market. Is there a "perfect" ratio of PB/chocolate for optimal eating? Is everyone different or are there logical formulations that are generally crowd pleasers? I for one believe Mr. Reese nailed it right at the start, and everything else has been a lesser version. But most of them aren't bad. 

For SSS’s money, here you go:

Reese's Original: 5/5 pukes, gold standard to which the sugar shack holds all else

Reese's Miniature: 4/5 pukes, neu-classic candy bowl staple

Reese's Big Cup: 3.5/5 pukes, similar charm to a double-stuf oreo: fun at times, but gets old

Reese's PB lovers: 1/5 pukes, do better Hershey Corp

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40.-41. The "emotion picture" Dirty Computer is pretty good right? But what if instead of spending all that time and money, she just played her album against back-to-back playings of Reba S5E08? Would it be as good? Let’s find out!

n  Van is a "Dirty Computer." They say it twice when he threatens sodomy and now again when he's screaming and gasping and shit

n  Cheyenne wants a Crazy, Classic, Life! Why can't anyone understand that? Just let me live my life.

— Reba mugging at 3:39 fits nicely with the beat

— Outro to Van and Reba bickering, rap portion is our opening credits.

n  BJ is going to Take a Byte out of crime

— She's not the kind of girl to take home to your mama (or ex-wife)

— The sexy grannies are also taking a byte. This is women's lib.

n  Jane's Dream is Nat Faxon's dream, to have a nap or something

— Dickie's Dream cannot be re-printed here

n  "Screwed" plays right around when Van tells Cheyenne her senior center activities are stupid

— BJ is also "screwed" at court because as we know justice is blind but not deaf

— "Let's get screwed/I don't care" during this marital fight also scans

n  (Young) Cheyenne by the end of this episode is doing Django Jane

— Fuck off Van!

n  Alfred: Pynk, like the inside of your

— Cut to black

And so we start watch 2 with "Make Me Feel": (this is the Reba version of playing Nier: Automata)

n  Jakes runs out right at the lyric "make me feel"

— Cheyenne also makes the rest of the family feel... disappointment?

n  Cheyenne makes a PB on bread lunch to the jam of "I Got the Juice"

— Follow your dreams Cheyenne, you do got the juice!

— BJ also got the juice, in her own way

n  Switching your juror number with someone else to get foreman? I Like That

— Pretending to sign up granny for ceramics class? I Like That

— Grannies gone wild? I Like That

n  6min long "Dont Judge Me" is a bit of a rock in the plan here. But it is playing over the whole GGW part so that seems about right

— (Gonna skip the rest of the track when the scene changes)

n  BJ's Dream to be White Thunder

n  So Afraid to be kicked off the jury. So Afraid to have made the completely wrong career choice.

— So Afraid my wife will leave me cause I'm a huge loser (or is it giving too much credit to vanny boy?)

n  Marital strife, watching the elderly drop dead, revenge past the grave. This show features Americans doing American things!! This is an American show! Reba!!

That was extremely stupid, but I didn’t hate it.

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42. I had thought about writing up the screenplay for one of the watches, but got lazy. The fact that JMK did it shows he's firing on all cylinders as we close out the summer. Today I watched the episode following along with it, and I can say the document contains both verisimilitude in dialogue and appropriate character in stage direction.

That which of course is coming off the heels of #101, the postpostmodern write-up of the episode in full, no figurant left behind, which canonizes all who are in the project into the project.

Which, of course, comes off the heels of the incredible #100. Wherein if this video too is entered into the GGW Canon, then now Melissa Peterman the actor is also part of the story, playing the character BJ, doing improv and the like. Is she play acting her marriage with Brock, like The Americans or something? But Brock is Brock and not Christopher Rich. Really starting to spiral here. Can't believe the summer is almost over.

Grannies Gone Wild #89

Sunny has watched "Grannies Gone Wild" 35 times so far this summer. Watch the episode HERE. You can also read every single Grannies Gone Wild entry in the archives HERE.

30. At 16:40, Reba Hart provides marriage advice for her children. This is nothing new to anyone who has watched Reba S5E08 at least ten times. However, upon seeing this scene again today, I immediately recalled a horrifying memory of myself talking about relationships and advice and referencing Reba, drawing from this scene particularly. Reba's advice isn't bad, right? But that's absolutely beside the point. It's Reba, a show from 20 years ago, why would I ever bring it up to others as non-sequitur or worse, sequitur? Is this how Jeff Goldblum felt in The Fly as he started turning into the eponymous Fly?

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31. Here's some dumb shit I thought about for 20:44, I'm a little disappointed I couldn't think of more dumb shit:

REBAfund?!

arREBA!

KuwaREBA

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32. I've returned from a short vacation where I did NOT watch Reba did NOT write about Reba and wish I could say I did NOT even think about Reba (I wish I could tell you that). However, reading the growing canon of RS5E08 lore being generated at the pace it is makes me want to use today as a little meta post. I have to give props to JMK for continuing to consume and create about Reba even on vacation, whereas I find Reba to be in the column of "work" which on "vacation" doesn't get "done." There is a purity in his craft.

And so, from the meta story of a man trapped on a desert island, asked to have a single piece of media to sustain him, somehow answered for Reba, we start to see some exciting things. The catastrophic fall and rise in GGW #78/#79 is basically Dante's Inferno for the modern audience. The meditations on death of GGW #84 invoke ideas from eastern and western philosophy, and show us even Reba S5E08 contains a certain grain of "momento mori."

It is oddly lonely being on the island of someone who has watched something so stupid so many times (and I'm <50% the king's watch count), but it is also oddly joyful that some decent sprigs of writing can grow out of the fallowest ground.

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33. One must love the unexplainable yellow box in the kitchen. It's probably a bread box, but it could just as likely be a toaster or telephone or tiny washing machine. I also love that the vinyl yellow matches the (brand redacted) stand mixer in the rear of the kitchen, next to the toaster oven (which so the yellow thing maybe isn’t another toaster). Did the bread box make it into the Reba house 60 years in the future? We don't get a clear shot of the kitchen in the future, but from THIS angle we see the tissue box and dual hand soaps apparent from our present-day morning. Should we take that as enough circumstantial evidence to prove the yellow box is still there? However, it is worth noting the yellow box is missing in present-day evening, seen over Van's shoulder HERE. Are to believe this is some sort of MAGIC bread box?

Actually, this lets us play a quick round of present/future photo-hunt. What else has changed over the years? ONE. TWO. I'd say not much, just the kid's toys have been removed. Too much child tragedy over the years, what with Scarlett and all.

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34. Happy Birthday JGS, keep being fabulous. She has a WELLNESS blog? Look at the latest blog post from June: foam rolling! It's good for your fucked up back from years of computer desk work! Cheyenne really DOES like helping people! Fuck Yourself and Die Van!

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35. Hey YOU! Yes you, are you like me, loving RS5E08 so much you want to listen to it all the time? But what to do about pesky friends and family that would like you to be present, when you just want to be present in Houston, TX c. 2005. Well sir do I have a solution for you. Introducing the REBA GGW Soundboard. Now you can get your REBA when you're out and about, like smoking cigarettes in the high school bathroom!

Click here!

Grannies Gone Wild #74

Sunny has watched "Grannies Gone Wild" 29 times so far this summer. Watch the episode HERE. You can also read every single Grannies Gone Wild entry in the archives HERE.

27. I am a fan of this "wig rule." It dovetails nicely with the teachings to accept the world just as it is (American Zen Neo Buddhism or something), rather than apply any extra-environmental reason like "an actor is playing that character, and is wearing costume and makeup." I was reminded of this during today's watch when Brock and Van rib each other in the nursing home of getting old/dying that neither mentions the explicit fear of being in one of these nursing homes. As in like permanently, indefinitely. It's certainly implied they hate it but beyond the pale. So, we have to accept that somehow in 2065 when Van is 80 and Brock is 100 or so that they are still kicking about, freely, in their own homes and neighborhoods. If Brock's heart didn't give out, that fall should have shattered him into a million pieces. Even accounting for Alfred's live-in help, they seem to be doing pretty well—seeing no stair chair or house adaptations or what not. Until, of course, both Brock and Van die suddenly, Immediately, at the house foyer. Perhaps by 2065 death by normal old age has been "patched out," but you're far, far more likely to die from irony and/or poetic justice.

Also, Reba, the witch, is probably not dead per se, but just her body no longer exists in the material plane? The soul is likely spread across several enchanted objects (e.g. record player, guitar, low-cal breakfast) and will reassemble when the time is right. Scarlett remains missing.

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28. Show pitch idea: Spin-off featuring Phil the Thrill and his loyal Gnome simultaneously solving and causing mysteries around Houston. Maybe Wilfred meets Workaholics. Season 1: Phil/Gnome reunite after the Reba day and begin "thrilling" the town. Season 2: Origin/flashback to Phil's early days, dovetail into the big trouble Gnome gets them into. Season 3: Falldown/Redemption arc for Phil, various reconciliations, "the big thrill." Season 4: Aftermath of big thrill,  minor char redemption, mortal sacrifice of Phil and/or Gnome

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29. Alright folks, Sunny's Sugar Shack is back again. What's eating today? Junior Mints. They're very refreshing!

Appearance: Junior Mints come in a movie theater style box. In fact I cannot think of a time I have seen them in another SKU. Yes, there are junior mint "minis" and the like, but that's different altogether. (Upon looking it up, there is one other small box with four or so mints in it). It's a movie theater treat at heart. This is a fundamental category shift: we all know intuitively that movie theater style candy is different than conventional, say, trick-or-treat style candy, but where one lies on what line can be confusing, i.e. Crunch Bar vs Buncha Crunch. Junior Mints almost insists upon the movie- or Reba-watching experience. And wrt the Seinfeld ep, I ask you to think about the surgical theater.

Texture: Much like last week's Jujyfruit, the Junior Mint is highly variable to temperature shifts, though this should be expected from a chocolate shell candy. At ideal serving temperatures (room-temp minus to chilled), the chocolate shell is thick enough to withstand minor heating and not melt-in-your-handness. The overall structure is firm enough to resist minor pressure, but easily caves when chewed. The candy is soft but provides enough material for a satisfying chew, at which time cool refreshment is delivered.

Taste: It's chocolate, it's peppermint, it's delicious. Chocolate and Peppermint is likely one of the big five classic candy flavor pairings and is rather hard to screw up. JM's take an approx. 4-to-1 ratio of mint to chocolate shell. You can't miss the chocolate, but it's mint forward. The easy comparison is mint-chocolate-chip ice cream, and depending on the brand, could be accurate.

Je ne sais quoi: Not medical advice, but obviously has power to stay infections when inserted in-vivo during surgery, according to television, which must be true.

Comparisons and alts:

• York: Probably the closest 1:1 play. York is made by Hershey Corp and Junior Mints by Tootsie Roll, which roughly maps the products. York's distinctive patty shape raises the chocolate relative to mint in the overall candy. The shell itself is thicker and textured, highlighting Hershey's (arguably) better chocolate prestige. The mint itself is okay, but has an odd chemical taste than one can detect after eating several dozen of them, or altered, or both. (3/5 pukes)
• Andes: Also owned by Tootsie Co, I gotta say, Andes kinda sucks. There's a bit of "excitement" around these because you don't see them too often, or maybe you get it at the Olive Garden or at some hotels. The texture is completely different from either JM or York, being more of a layered chocolate/flavored chocolate confection. A thin layer of mint is sandwiched between two larger chocolate rectangles. The mint bit is refreshing, but the whole thing is sort of chalky? The kind of chalky that makes you think "I've been at the olive garden way too long." (2.5/5 pukes)

Junior Mints 4/5 pukes

Grannies Gone Wild #72b

Sunny has watched "Grannies Gone Wild" 29 times so far this summer. Watch the episode HERE. You can also read every single "Grannies Gone Wild" entry in the archives HERE.

Nxx. Wow, I listened to Joe's mad performance artist style ravings for 20:44 and now I've gone mad. Didn't take long at all. Madness transferal perfected, phew. I'm not going to watch Reba today after that, so I wouldn't call this viewing "30." Change the number over on the left to something like "Nxx." instead. The artist is present(ly going crazy).

All I can think about now is Bailiff Ron. Alright let's just spin off some bullshit here. First I want to say I appreciate that, in the courtroom of Judge ST Bailiff Ron is indeed Bailiff "Ron." He's not Baliff "Last Name" or even Baliff "Ronald" (yes I know Ron could be the last name, but within context of the show and JST's delivery, I like to think first name), he's Bailiff "Ron." Isn't that sweet? JST and Ron are on first name bases. I have, for many years, been pounding on the drum that most workplaces suck; they are a rotten-from-the-top culture trap where everyone is biting at everyone's ass because that's the optimal game-theory play across the board. All hail Moloch. But here in this little Houston circuit court, a judge manages to get through both the insanity of trying a man for murder for petty theft and the inanity of local women blathering on about their whole life to get out of jury duty. And what's one component of that environment that allows JST to thrive rather than shrivel in his particular workplace? The trust and camaraderie of his long-time bailiff, Ron.

Also you notice (this "you" being purely hypothetical) how, around the seven-minute mark, JMK sounds like he's saying Bail-riff Ron? Hell, maybe he is. But other times the meaning and sound of the words "Bailiff Ron" are completely lost. Isn't it curious how that happens? The French have three fun terms I muse about from time to time:

Déjà vu — "already seen" — you know what this is (a glitch in the matrix). You experience something ostensibly new, but it feels familiar. Maybe you forgot something? Or maybe "you" were here before?

Presque vu — "almost seen" — a frustrating feeling, particularly at pub quiz or something, when knowledge is on the tip-of-your-tongue. You can't quite remember something, but you have all the other feelings of remembering that something. It seems so close. How can you remember how to remember?

Jamais vu — "never seen" — Say a word, any word, like "door" or "airplane" or "Bailiff Ron" over and over again some twenty or thirty times. Eventually, longer than you think but quicker than you expect, the words will lose meaning. It'll just be a sound (which it always was). And you experience this sound like you've never seen it before, never seen it, that is.

Sometimes it pays to play a trick on yourself.

Grannies Gone Wild #64

Sunny has watched "Grannies Gone Wild" 26 times so far this summer. Watch the episode HERE. You can also read every single "Grannies Gone Wild" entry in the archives HERE.

 

More Reba baby

22. I haven't watched Reba in a couple days. It's been lightening, but also haunting. You ever play a video game, like a 4x—think Civ, or maybe even Tetris—for too long, and later when you close your eyes you still see it playing? Blocks falling down and down and down... Reba's sort of like that. The fact JMK can nearly recreate the entire script from memory is a bit of testament, though he's watched the thing some 2-3x more than me. Reba kind of still plays even when it doesn't. You know how they say you're, in a way, the average of the five closest people in your life? Wouldn't it be odd if the collective cast of Reba was one?

Random goof and gag: at 1:51, Cheyenne fills her tea mug from the range kettle, yet we have no reason to believe the water is hot having seen Van make breakfast earlier.

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23. Here's a comic for my internet homies. If you recognize this, you're as brain addled as me.

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24. Sartorial recap! Let's check in with the fashion boys and girls down in our little corner of Houston:

• Reba: One button coral blouse over dark jeans. The simple, elegant look of a single mom who works too hard (yadda yadda). I would like a bit more contrast with her hair (see alt outfits from opening credits).
  
  
• Brock: Light blue shirt, dark pants, dark slightly patterned tie, no jacket. Clearly a dentist or bank teller or some other middle/upper-middle class professional. I actually imagine Brock's entire closet looks like shades of this, cartoon style.
  
  
• Cheyenne: Colored semi sheer blouse/dress over dark pants, with large gold chain as accent. Clearly Reba's daughter, and the most keyed in overall, a lovely outfit. She would be a fine candidate to do makeovers at local hospitals, orphanages, and nursing homes.
  
  
• BJ: Presumably part of her "courtroom outfit" including lucky bra (not seen). All black pant suit with black blouse. Might be the same as "funeral outfit," save the strings of beads.
  
  
• Florence, Ida, and Ladies: Titular aspect of the show. What's to say. See? Slimming.
  
  
• Nursing Home employee: I'm sure I've seen that same shirt at current-day thrift store, meaning he probably got it at Gibsons on clearance or something. Paired with khaki chinos, this screams "academy award having actor playing character who hates his job and or life."
  
  
• Van: I really hate this dude and his grey/grey sweater vest getup. His pants are also charcoal grey. And I think that's a thin grey tie? Or could just be the placket popping out, I dunno. I hate Van. He's an athlete right?
  
  
• Elder Jake: homie looks like Odlaw from Where's Waldo.

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25. Being well into July, it should be obvious this project is eating its own tail. Or as said on GGW#52: an echo chamber. Maybe I am tucker carlson. Let me ask some questions. You should see me in a bowtie.

• What is going on in Houston these days?
• Men used to summarily execute each other for gnome theft; not anymore. Now your tax dollars go to support kangaroo courts and funny shows. And the democratic party wants this.
• This country used to revere dentists. Now they're laughing stocks. What is going on? The liberals want to take away your retainers.
• Growing up I had huge posters of big hulky football quarterbacks. Now they wear sweater vests and cry all day. What is going on?
• Boy on boy sodomy is everywhere now. They talk about it openly. Don't believe me? Take another look in Houston. This is what the left wants for your kids.

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26. Today I want to talk about what I am eating as I watch Reba, which is candy. Let's call this sub-column Sunny's Sugar Shack (formerly Sunny K's Kandy Korner). What's on the menu today? Jujyfruits. The Jujyfruit is likely one of the less popular fruit-based sugar confections, even among the gumdrop species. The category is likely headed by DOTS, which are disgusting. On Jujyfruits:

Appearance — The first note of Jujyfruits' quirkiness comes from the shapes the gumdrops are in. It's not your usual "dot" or even sour patch child or sour patch child, watermelon. We've got asparagus, HEIDE stamped Banana (HEIDE?), grapes, peapod, pineapple, raspberry, and a tomato. I want to make clear these shapes have absolutely nothing to do with the flavors, except for raspberry, which does.

Texture — Jujyfruits are a food that require a small skill hill to be climbed for optimal eating. One will note that this particular corn syrup confection is highly affected by temperature. At low temperatures, Jujyfruits will have the sticking potency of high yield industrial epoxy. Eating too many in the molars may rip out your teeth. I say this only half jokingly. At higher temperatures, they yield almost too easily (thank you 97deg July). Have the space? Fridge them.

Taste — The thing about the "sugar/fruit" category of mass market confection is that you typically already know what flavors you're getting going on. Your standard orange, lemon, lime, cherry, grape. Sometimes sub out grape for strawberry à la Starburst. Jujyfruits subs out two key players (cherry and grape) for two speculative: raspberry and anise. The commonality with most of these gumdrop flavors is having a bit of sour and/or spice helps cut the cloying sweetness of pure, concentrated sugar. Raspberry is a surprise yet logical fruit and works beautifully. Anise, however, is a much more controversial choice. How many people do you know who have said some variant of "I like everything except black licorice [as a flavor]"? I am sympathetic. This is actually a step less esoteric from the original Jujyfruits lineup which included spearmint instead of lime. All I'll say it's a compromise, and it's an acquired taste. YMMV.

Je ne sais quoi — Elaine loved Jujyfruits, and I think I trust her candy choices (George too into chocolate. Jerry with Pez? SSS will circle back to Kramer and Junior Mints.)

Comparisons and alternatives —
    i. Jujubes, by the same company, are sort of a little brother to Jujyfruit. It's also the literal name of the fruit "jujube" and sort of a tip off of what they were doing with the name if it wasn’t already obvious?
    ii. Dots – these things fucking suck. Bottom tier Halloween candy to give/get

4/5 pukes

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Random p.s.: I couldn’t help myself and googled Scarlett. She missed most of Season 5 getting treated for anorexia. If or how this was addressed in the show is anyone's guess. Do I feel a small irony learning this the same day I ate a whole box of sweets? Shrug.

Grannies Gone Wild #50

Sunny has watched "Grannies Gone Wild" 21 times so far this summer. Watch the episode HERE. You can now also read every single "Grannies Gone Wild" entry in the archives HERE.

17. Happy America day, everyone. Set in Houston about a singer-songwriter turned single mom, Reba is among the most American things I can think of. I mean, look at that flag. Let's celebrate some of America's greatest bits through the eyes of S05E08:

• America is obsessed with "eating healthy" and "cholesterol," and we see Van is no exception when thinking of his poor mother-in-law, Reba. It is, of course, hypocritical and appropriate to espouse healthy eating values while not doing anything to correct the roots of cultural metabolic disease, such as food deserts, childhood nutrition, prevalence of refined sugars in staples, rampant corn subsidies, etc. Moreover, it’s still an ongoing debate whether dietary cholesterol correlated with serum cholesterol in a significant way, much less if it is a causal factor. You know how I learned to make a tasty egg white omelet? Add egg yellows.
  
  
• In America, particularly Texas, we believe in Justice and Jurisprudence. That is why the theft of a garden gnome will be handled by a (nearly) full jury and maximum penalties include execution by the state. As we know from GGW36, this defendant is ultimately found guilty. Big surprise. In J.S.T.'s infinite jest, and infinite lack of mercy, the defendant is sentenced to death. I don't even have to explain why it is hypocritical and appropriate that Texas has the death penalty among all its other backwards and retrograde laws.
  
  
• In America, the only age you really matter is 18-40. And only if you're making money. So that you can buy things. Younger than that, and you'll be ignored, made fun of, or God forbid, sodomized. Older than that, and your younger in-laws will tell you to FYAD. Even older than that, assuming you survive, and you'll be pushed into the furthest corners of society to be forgotten while your memories erode away in a psychic desert. It's hypocritical and appropriate that despite pretending the old don't exist, some 70% of public power is held by the sundowning 70+ crowd.
  
  
• Jurisprudence 2: In America, it's hypocritical and appropriate that you have to really love the idea of court cases to actually want to serve on a jury and perform "civic duty." Probably, though, your civic understanding is informed by mass media, so even if this is true, what you really love is Law and Order and other procedurals (or true crime podcasts, I guess). Do not view this as a moral judgement, however. In America, most are too busy scraping and scrounging to spend even one day thinking deeply about if a stranger should live or die.  
  
  
• America has always spoke out of both sides of its mouth regarding its drinking culture. It's hypocritical and appropriate that the same country had temperance, prohibition, bootlegging, repealments. That the same country founded both AA and the mass production style lager. That the same country has, every two feet, exciting and entrancing commercial ad-copy about how fun it is to drink all the time and be the life of the party and be known and famous but also, whispering very quietly, to do so responsibly. Like if your wife goes to AA, and may want to be a counselor herself, you can still have a beer in the evening, after a hard day not working or doing anything, that's being responsible, right?

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18. I got nothing today. No juice. Let me focus on one line from the show: 2:15 Cheyenne—"Well, I been spending a lot of time volunteering down at the senior center.” Innocuous line delivered by Joanna Garcia, who emphasizes "well" and maybe "spending" in her delivery. As we know this episode is about the reveal of Cheyenne's change in career choice (from dentist to counselor), revealed to the family by the work she's been doing at the senior center.

We understand the impetus of this began after the fateful phone cell (GGW#38) with her friend Monica and nearly hitting an old lady. Yadda, yadda, yadda. What I want to question is the gap between then and now.

Everything from the "Weelllll" to "been spending" to "a lot of time" implies, to me, that this has been an ongoing project for a while. The prolonged "well," and the awkwardness in the kitchen, make me think Cheyenne has been putting off this conversation for a while (we've all been there). If we take Cheyenne as reasonable in her self-assessments (fair with the whole episode taken in), then she has been spending a lot of time down at the senior center.  

Which then brings me to my main question, has no one noticed until now? She gets back from the senior center late this episode (it's night outside), has that been the case for some weeks here? I get Brock doesn't live here, but didn't Reba notice she's been out a lot longer? But, most critically, how did Van not notice? He's so upset being left out Cheyenne's life, did he ever ask to be let in?

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19. One thing I never quite understood were laws around putting branded products into your TV show. Copyright and trademark are things, but so is "fair use." So do you have to pay someone to show something they have trademarked on your for-profit shows? More confusing, you have product placement, where brands might pay you to feature trademarked product in a naturalistic way. So what's the deal? My simple assumption is if you're a sitcom set designer, best to just avoid all of them unless your AD tells you otherwise. But you still want your set to look natural right? Let's take a look at a couple Reba products:

• 0:09 box of "Blocks" with potential brand name in the label ripped off
• 0:33 Van's box of doughnuts is an unbranded white—no Entenmann's, folks
• 3:37 The shelf of cooking goods behind Cheyenne are artfully turned away. One notices a McCormick pepper shaker towards the left, as well as a *Labber *irl baking powder (make no substitutions folks, if you want baking powder, it's Labber Irl)
• 3:43 My first eyebrow raise—See Cheyenne using a jar of creamy "Kippy" peanut butter.
• 4:10 It's definitely Arnold's whole wheat—get that fiber, girl       
• 6:58 Most everyone is having water, but I think the defendant/lawyer are having a Schwepps. Or maybe Canada Dry?
• 7:22 JST is a Dell Man. I think everyone in my freshman class had this laptop
• 10:10 Not really a brand thing, but I want to note the box is for a "Chess" set but Checkers is setup. This scans for a nursing home. What DOESN'T scan is that B1, B6, B32 have been highlighted but not called. B36 is fair placement. Also a miss on G49.
• 10:30 I believe the phrase "workin' it" is public domain
• 10:40 "BATTLESHIP" is clearly visible in the bottom left. Surprising considering the 10:10 interstitial had a completely blank Battleship play board.
• 10:45 Also not a brand thing, but what on earth card game are the ladies playing? The one looked like she dealt for Solitaire, but then is passing cards to other. They're also playing on top of the Bingo setup—extreme disrespect for whoever was here before.
• 11:10 Dickie's walker looks like cheap Chinese generic. This nursing home could be heading for a "Sandpiper"-style case.
• 12:07 JST, again, loves the classics
• 14:45 I know JMK has assumed Van is drinking a Shiner, and I am apt to believe him due to the Houston setting, but I do want to say Van's label is either old or irregular. To Howey's credit, he placed the label camera away after setting it down
• 15:15 That ginger ale again! It's not Schwepps! I am still ascertaining a match
• 18:47 Not a brand thing, but Van is taking some eight medications. To believe he isn't using one of those M-F pill boxes is a stretch.

Okay wow, that was dumb even for me.

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20. I hope we all enjoyed the tête-à-tête between Barry, Vince, and Murph(y). I sure did. I think now's a decent time to try to take another census of our extras, our figurants

Nursing home scene:

1. Unnamed man - 7:56 Grey shirt, balding, seen sitting on rear couch at 8:30
2. Unnamed woman - 7:56 Green zipper sweatshirt, yellow shirt, sitting at the card table
3. Barry – Blue cap, striped cardigan, has walker (sometimes)  
4. Unnamed woman – knitting in 7:56, blue sweater, yellow shirt
5. Unnamed woman – standing between #4 and #6 at 7:56, black sweater, brown collar
6. Unnamed man – in wheelchair at 7:56, dark blue flat cap, yellow shirt, leaves bumping into Brock
7. Unnamed man – sitting on rear couch at 7:57, blue shirt, shaved head
8. Mrs. Fierstein – white sweater, first seen 7:59
9. Dicky – acting role, first seen 7:59, featured at 11:10
10. Patrice – 8:52, light green sweater over pink/white collar
11. Unnamed woman – burgundy sweater, facing away 9:02
12. Unnamed woman – woman in pink/grey sweatshirt, short curly hair 9:02 (#2, #11, #12 exit approx. 9:10 to make room for ladies, returning approx. 11:50 in rear stage)
13. Vince – 9:37, walking, tan sweater over white shirt, short white hair
14. Florence (9:45)
15. Ida (9:45)
16. "Lady" #1 (9:45)
17. "Lady" #2 (9:45)
18. Murph – white sweater vest over blue shirt (getting coffee at 10:48; isn’t it a bit late in the day?)
19. Unnamed man – 11:05 left side of rear couch, blue shirt, grey flat cap, reading a book. Could be an old extra re-dressed? TBD

All corrections and addendum welcome. What all I'll say is that we've got a surprising amount of backstory for this gang already.

I'll come back for the courtroom scene in the future, we already have Ron, Bron, Carl, Abigail, Ernesto, and eight other jurors (BJ makes 11).

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21. GGW#48 is what I call a master stroke in "world-building" or "stocking the pond." If this was anime this would be the "On 7/7, 23 flashes, 23 backgrounds revealed themselves to the whole world" episode, explaining the time warp we've been stuck in, or something. In Reba life it explains how Reba is a telepath and could anticipate Cheyenne's movements at 1:42. Actually, maybe, Reba is like Amy Adams from Arrival by the end of that movie. I won't spoil it, but let it be known Reba is definitely a witch with the power to curse, but and yet the greatest curse lives within her.

Read My Mind, Sunny

From the opening salvo of saxophone, guitar, and Reba's country timbre, it's obvious why she's one of the queens of country. The expected variety is there: power anthems, love songs; funny bits and longing heartbreak. Listen, I'm not a huge country fan, and a country album from 30 years ago? But I'd be lying if I said I'm not charmed by Reba's whole shtick. The videos for "Why Haven't..." and "And Still" are time capsules in themselves. She's got gentle hands, yet the heart of a fighter. She's a survivor.

Power ranking of TV shows spawned from music artists:

1. Reba

2. Dave

3. The Chris Isaak Show

4. Major Lazer

5. The Kelly Clarkson Show (eligibility debatable)

Honorable mentions to slightly a different genre: Flight of the Conchords, Tenacious D, The Monkees

Grannies Gone Wild #34

Sunny has watched "Grannies Gone Wild" twelve times so far this summer. Watch the episode HERE.

9. Alright Reba, we're back. I haven't watched this in several days, and yet most of the comedy beats are familiar. Great to see Judge ST again. The show has become like a song of the summer—forever if I catch a sniff or glimpse, my mind will be transported back to the time when it was playing, with the emotions and setting that accompany. A kinda sorta time traveling in a PKD world sense. But the uniquely goofy part is that this isn't a three-minute pop shlock song, it's a 21-minute sitcom, a bizarre one at that, and so for it to imprint really speaks to the general absurdity of the entire universe. Much as JMK harkened to with his terrifying tooth-falling-out story, it's inescapable at this point. I imagine in 20 years I will have acid style flashbacks if and when I see the phrase "workin' it" printed on jeans.

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10. If I had one general piece of advice for anyone who struggles with an anxious mind, it's to try "morning pages"—three pages of stream-of-consciousness writing, for your eyes only, done as quickly upon waking as possible. This is apropos of nothing else. Reba today is living in interstitial space. I am watching at an airport. I am tired. A certain jamais vu has descended. I understand this is a comedy TV show—it has the various components of comedy TV arranged in the appropriate ways, but no comedy is being created. Comedy, ultimately, lives as much in the mind as on the screen. The real comedy occurs at some midpoint in the empty space between my eyes and Van's stupid face. Today, the space is too clouded.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

11. I wish to quickly catalog all the jokes in this episode, as described by the live studio audience. They were there, you know? My ranking of their reaction is subjective, and any still living audience members should feel free to write in:

Every joke of Reba GGW as understood by the live studio audience:

i. Van sneezes into Reba's breakfast; rich laugh

ii. Reba’s reaction to 120 temp; mild laugh

iii. Van telling Jake to bend over; rich laugh

iv. Circus recapturing BJ; moderate laugh

v. Van's shocked face segment 1; multiple mild laughs

vi. Character reactions to Cheyenne's disexcitement, incl. Van shocked face 2; multiple mild laughs

vii. Brock's assertion that his internship is also volunteer work; moderate laugh

viii. Van shocked face 3; moderate laugh

ix. Brock's assertion that dentists help ppl referencing gingivitis video; mild laugh

x. BJ's from car call "justice waits for no one"; mild laugh

xi. Brock's speech that he will fight deadly gum disease and win; moderate laugh, whooping

xii. Cheyenne on Biology class not having anything to do with life, Reba's bogarting; moderate laugh

xiii. Cheyenne saying she hung up the cell phone, character reactions; mild laugh

xiv. Cheyenne "someone has got to do something about these old people"; rich laugh

xv. Van "I think nature takes care of that honey"; moderate laugh, clapping

xvi. Cheyenne "the whole place was crawling with them"; mild laugh

xvii. Ten-year plan to save for our own place, Reba "Ten Year?!"; moderate laugh

xviii. Van coughing "baloney"; mild laugh

xix. Van "not storming off"; mild laugh

xx. Van "You storm off like a girl"; moderate laugh

xxi. Van shocked face 4; moderate laugh

xxii. Brock "want the guys here to know you're taken"; mild laugh

xxiii. BJ "what if some guy looked at me and you beat him with a chair and then I was on your jury"; moderate laugh

xxiv. BJ “ah ah ah, call me by my number…”; mild laugh

xxv. BJ "wore my lucky bra"; mild laugh

xxvi. BJ "did you say 1536" Judge "no"; mild laugh

xxvii. BJ "1536" Judge "Let me say it"; moderate laugh

xxviii. BJ "No this loser is 1536"; rich laugh

xxix. (aside, folks, that's how you build a scene)

xxx. Van "we're signing you up for a ceramics class Grandma"; multiple moderate laughs

xxxi. Wheelchair trips Brock; mild laugh

xxxii. Brock "Can't wait to see what would make someone give up the dental dream"; mild laugh

xxxiii. Reba "You're just a glorified toothbrush"; moderate laugh, groan

xxxiv. Van "One day?"; moderate laugh, whooping

xxxv. Van "Won't be you cause you'll be dead"; rich laugh, whooping

xxxvi. Patrice "Errol Flynn!"; moderate laugh

xxxvii. Nursing home employee "Oh great you're here to take [Cheyenne] home" / "And then you'll take her home?"; moderate laugh

xxxviii. Van "we're here not to push you in any one direction"; mild laugh

xxxix. GGW reveal; mass whooping, hollering, groaning, clapping

xl. Nursing home employee "Ok, now will you take her home?"; rich laugh

xli. Cheyenne "See Florence? Slimming."; mild laugh

xlii. Cheyenne "That lipstick is really going to show off your teeth when you put them in"; rich laugh

xliii. Brock & Van re: workin’ it and thongs; rich laugh

xliv. Nursing home employee "Top to... saggy bottom"; moderate laugh

xlv. Nursing home employee "And it's like Grannies Gone Wild around here"; moderate laugh

xlvi. Nursing home employee and Dickie altercation; rich laugh

xlvii. Van "it's stupid"; nervous laugh into gasp/groan

xlviii. Van disgust face; mild laugh

xlix. Cheyenne tearfully giving waterproof mascara seminar; moderate laugh

l. BJ's white thunder and school play stories; rich laugh

li. BJ "my favorite part, is the order"; moderate laugh

lii. Judge regretting his career; moderate laugh

liii. Judge and BJ sidebar; multiple moderate laughs

liv. Judge "unfortunately it's not deaf"; mild laugh

lv. Judge "baaaaalif Ron"; mild laugh

lvi. BJ "I declare a mistrial!"; moderate laugh

lvii. BJ "My boob just popped out of my lucky bra"; moderate laugh

lviii. Van "she's probably setting up a wet shawl contest by now"; mild laugh

lix. Mother Teresa lip gloss exchange between Van and Cheyenne; multiple mild and moderate laughs

lx. Van "inspirational butt sayings"; moderate laugh

lxi. Van "… insane!"; mild laugh

lxii. Van bashing school counselors; rich laugh, clapping

lxiii. Van "I liked her hot and ditzy"; mild laugh

lxiv. Cheyenne "What does ditzy even mean?"; moderate laugh

lxv. Van “...You? Well forgive me Mrs. H but I find that ironic"; rich laugh

lxvi. Reba "That's when you sprout at BJ"; rich laugh

lxvii. Cheyenne "It is so cool the tragedy that is your life can help others"; moderate laugh

lxviii. Visual opening to stinger of old Van; moderate laugh

lxix. Van "I think I soiled myself"; moderate laugh

lxx. Van smacking his lips for sex; moderate laugh

lxxi. Cheyenne wearing workin' it pants and Van's reaction; rich laugh

lxxii. Brock stumbling in; mild laugh

lxxiii. Brock adjusting wig; moderate laugh

lxxiv. Brock dies; rich laugh, clapping

lxxv. Van dies; rich laugh, clapping

lxxvi. Cheyenne calls for Jake; mild laugh

lxxvii. Jake intimates thermometer sodomy; rich laugh, standing ovation

At approximately 80 jokes in 21 minutes, Reba GGW hits an audience funny on average every 16 seconds. It is stochastic, of course, there are several minutes of quiet drama in between the funny. It is interesting to see what the audience really loves: old person sex, ragging on friends and relatives, death. Especially death.

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12.  JMK has expertly deconstructed the Mother Teresa joke in GGW #32. I believe this sets a good precedent to dive into some other bigger jokes of the episode. One I want to quickly touch on is joke 65—Van's reaction to Reba's marriage advice being a highly sarcastic "You?", followed by a "Well forgive me Mrs. H, but I find that slightly ironic." Reba acutely responds "I thought you might say that, but I am the person to learn this from." She goes on to explain that people are always growing (growing is the only sign of life), whether they are in a relationship or not, and missing this fact may cause one to grow away from a spouse in a way that's undetectable until it's too late. From the jokes that follow, we can extrapolate this may have happened to Reba and Brock, though the specifics of how they grew into who they are today remains unclear.

But the joke itself does have an immediate funny ring to someone who has only seen one episode of Reba (however many times that one episode may be watched). In context we've seen Reba rag on her ex-husband's new wife, and the title song describes her being so strong despite the incredible struggles her life presents her. So Van's reaction "You?" is pretty funny. The real shame, to me, is that he steps on that with the whole slightly ironic bit. Do the writers think the audience won't get it? The audience, to their credit, laughs at both bits. A deeper listening to the laughter reveals a richer and more complex laugh for the "You," with a slightly less full laugh following. The second laugh does include a few deeper voices which were not in the former, but generally the first has a wider range and duration. We may note one or two key m-soprano/alto members are leading both laughs. I believe the audience would have been improved by the lone "You?" and either given more space to react, or allow a tightening of the scene otherwise. Van says too much as it is.

Grannies Gone Wild #19

Sunny has watched "Grannies Gone Wild" eight times so far this summer. Watch the episode HERE.

 

What an incredibly stupid project lol. Anyway here goes.

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5. Let's cut into some of the nitty gritty this week. "Needs more grit" was my perpetual annual review feedback. So let's get some grit. Today I was to contemplate the title "Grannies Gone Wild" and the theme of this episode. Summary in short: Cheyenne wants to switch her future career from dentistry to elder care/drug counseling, surprising the family; BJ has jury duty. Truth is the whole "Grannies" aspect is sort of an afterthought? The nursing home scenes in total run less than five minutes (less than two minutes with the "wild grannies").

I want to say this File Name does not come free. Having a file that just reads "S5 E08 Grannies Gone Wild.mp4" on one's desktop invites trouble. The comedy of title is overshadowed by the fear of embarrassment even today.

So why gas such a choice, if you're in the Reba writers' room? According to the script, Cheyenne wants to be a drug/alcohol counselor now instead of a dentist. And she wanted to volunteer at the nursing home to see if she liked helping people. She is down at the nursing home because she almost ploughed into an old person crossing the street. So that's the plot link to why it's "Grannies Gone Wild." Like, what happens if she almost hit a dog and took it to the SPCA? It really feels as if they thought "GGW" was a funny joke from the get-go and worked as hard as possible backwards to get there. Maybe they thought about "GGW" seasons ago and they thought "if it's not this episode it's never, we gotta go for it." And they did, oh they did.

I mean, why is it funny? JMK already touched on this a bit, but we know the elderly population is one of the highest uh, fuck-rates around. We know because it's among the highest VD rates around. And good for them, you know? You guys see that movie X? Pretty good horror. Well, whatever, this was written 20 years ago on a fifth season show, and if they were so desperate for a joke to hook the show around it just means we need a better safety net for starving writers in this country (plz paypal me $0.5 for ramen this week).

The B-plot, with BJ in court, is also 100% modular. It's decent though, and Tobolowsky brings it to a higher level of comedy. I think that’s enough—we understand what this episode is doing in the larger Reba, we understand its central axis, and now we can go a little deeper to excavate.

A quick aside: wouldn't Mother Teresa know *something* about makeup?

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6. We've covered title and gestalt. How about the theme song? As JMK accurately noted, the cold open to this episode is so long. About five minutes (of the total 20:44 runtime) into the episode. The opening intro itself is about half a minute. I am going to see if I remember all the lyrics before the song starts:

a. My roots are planted the past / Oh my life is changing fast / Who I am is / Who I wanna be // A single mom who works too hard / Who loves her kids and never stops / (uhh???) hands of a fighter (??) / I’m a survivooooooooor

With Gentle Hands! HEART of a fighter! OF course! GODDAMMIT!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

7. Characters, characters! Everyone knows Reba has some of the best developed casts in the mid-'00s country singer spinoff TV show category. Let's get a census of our cast of characters. If Grit Week continues, we may be able to re-create the script entirely, for preservation in the next galactic time capsule, or maybe to host a local production. JMK's already begun much of the legwork here. Some of these details are going to be missing, some may be wildly off, corrections later:

(In order of appearance)

Van (last name unknown): Early 20-some male, unemployed, lives with wife in mother-in-law's house. Irritating, entitled, makes heavy attempts at humor.

Chorus / Laugh Track: Greek chorus to provide humor punctuation

Reba Hart (née ?): 40-to-50-year-old female, single mother of three. Caring, strongheaded, persistent.

Jake Hart: Approx 10-year-old boy. Known for mischief, deception, and general dislike of school.

Brock Hart: 40-to-50-year-old male, ex-husband of Reba Hart, currently married to Barbara Jane Hart. Dentist, caring father, somewhat self involved.

Cheyenne (last name unknown) (née Hart): Early 20-some female, wife of Van and eldest daughter to Reba. Currently in school to become a dentist, but unsure about future.

Barbara Jean (BJ) Hart: 30-to-40-year-old female, current wife of Brock Hart. Energetic presence, has a love of crime procedurals.

18 non-speaking extras: potential jurors, unnamed bailiff, bailiff Ron, plaintiff's lawyer, plaintiff, defendant's lawyer, defendant, stenographer

Judge: 50-to-60-year-old male. Acting judge for courtroom. Fair, patient, but has limits to the running of his courtroom.

14 non-speaking extras: nursing home residents, including Florence, Ida, Dickie, "Mrs. Fierstein"

"Patrice": 60-to-80-year-old female. Single line delivery to Brock Hart.

Nursing home employee: 30-to-40-year-old male. Principal administrator at nursing home; overworked and uninterested in job.

Elder Jake: 70-year-old male. Has harnessed the dark magicks of the near future and practices them in the basement of Reba's house.

~~~~~~~~~~~ 

8. What's our principal storyboard? Reba S5E08, despite its infinite depth and complexity, is put on in just eight scenes (including a probably but not definitely canon stinger). Let's go through them now:

ACT I:

a. Opening Scene [0:00 – 5:41]: Kitchen. Light jokes with Jake, Cheyenne reveals to family she is no longer going into dentistry, shocking them. Family elects to see what Cheyenne's new work is at the nursing home.

b. Opening credits [5:42 – 6:11]

c. BJ 1 [6:12 – 7:50]: Courtroom. Brock drops BJ off at the courthouse. BJ reveals her enthusiasm for being a juror. Though mild chicanery, gets onto the jury.

d. Cheyenne 1 [7:51 – 10:06]: Nursing Home. Cheyenne introduces her work to her family. Titular "Grannies" are revealed.

ACT II:

a. Cheyenne 2 [10:07 – 12:03]: Nursing Home. Further details on Cheyenne's work. Van explodes at Cheyenne's choices.

b. BJ 2 [12:04 – 14:23]: Courtroom. BJ's overenthusiasm cannot be endured by Judge. BJ is ejected from jury duty.

c. Closing Scene [14:24 – 18:39]: Living Room. Cheyenne reveals she has considered her future more than the family expected. Reba is understanding and imparts life and familial wisdom. Van expresses his frustrations with Cheyenne, the relationship is left on an open question.

d. Stinger [18:30 – 20:44]: Living Room. Van turns 80, is mocked by Brock. Both die. Jake sodomizes Van as Cheyenne observes.

Grannies Gone Wild #8

Sunny has watched "Grannies Gone Wild" four times so far this summer. Read about this project HERE. Watch the episode HERE.

I am doing the lazy man's version of Joe’s crazy idea. (lazy x crazy = ??). My lightly edited thoughts about Reba S5E08 are below

1. I have now watched Reba one time. I am unsure why I thought this project made sense. I actually thought I knew more about Reba from my youth. I vaguely remember watching re-runs after school, but I cannot remember for the life of me any of the plot or characters. I have read JMK's posts, and I am comforted that his reading of the plot with no foreknowledge is fairly close to mine. And I didn't have to look up the name of the judge actor. I think this will be an incredibly stupid summer project. One of the worst ideas I've ever heard by far. Somehow this particularly episode of this particular sitcom on this particular network during this particular era of pop culture feels particularly baffling. Maybe any Reba episode would feel the same with 20 years of hindsight. I'll probably never know—I doubt I'll ever watch any other REBA again.

2. You ready for a healthy breakfast Mrs. H? Egg whites, plain wheat toast, assortment of fruit. Sounds like a pretty lame breakfast. Also, Van threw it away because he sneezed on it? Why didn't you eat it, Van? Cause it's a lame breakfast? We'll also note Cheyenne makes herself lunch—a, uh, single piece of wheat toast with a bit of peanut butter, folded over itself, wrapped in a piece of wax/parchment paper. I assume in the Reba canon Cheyenne doesn't eat a lot. Why didn't Van make breakfast for anyone else? I'll also note this is the last time food is shown, except the cupcake during the 80th birthday stinger. As JMK rightly noted, this stinger is completely insane with several layers to consider, despite its two-minute runtime. If Reba is taking place in the mid-naughts, and Van looks 20 or so today, then this is set in 2060-something. Yet everything looks exactly the same except the advanced ages, including the use of slang phrase "workin' it." And I guess Jake just became a NEET and has been living at home since. Also, Brock lived to be ~100 or something but no sign of Reba? "Why am I the only one making this face?"

3. I realize I haven't listened to any Reba songs except the theme song to this show before (if that counts). I listened to one earlier, "Fancy" with 52M views on YouTube. It's alright, I can see why Reba is a big country hit. The theme song of Reba is completely serviceable—describes the show's basic plot/situation, credits the main cast, and is sung by Reba herself. What also popped out to me was the score, heard mostly as interstitial scene change stuff—something about the sort of sling-pop nature of the guitar felt familiar. Supposedly, the composer is none other than Jonathan Wolff of Seinfeld fame. Props to Reba. I'm a survivoooooooooooor.

4. Questions I assume are answered by the entire series of Reba, but I may never know locked into S5E08. I'll likely just make up answers as the summer goes along.

    a. What's the deal with the middle child of Reba, seen only in the intro? Or even what's the deal with Jake, I guess, other than hating school?

    b. Is "the hurricane" Cheyenne refers to Katrina? Did she really want to be a dentist before this?

    c. What does BJ do for work? Why is she so into being a juror? Is she just generally into stuff or is this special?

    d. What does Van do for work? How can he be so mad about money/future/career when he seems like a total burnout? Is he shown as any more sympathetic during the rest of the series? Why is Reba so nice to him?

    e. Is Reba H a successful country singer in this world? If not, does Reba M and her successful career exist in this world?