Beard

above: "I'll take that as a compliment"

In July, I got lazy and allowed my scruff to snowball into a full-on beard.

It was a noble experiment. Mainly, it was an excuse for people to come up with "clever" nicknames for me. Oh boy, y'all have such wit.

Some nicknames:

• Abe Lincoln
• caveman
• Rabbi Joseph
• General Lee
• Grizzly Adams
• Indie Jesus
• Scruff McGruff
• Louie Pasteur (I kid you not)
• others, less clever

Yes, I get it. I look like many people because of my facial hair.

Things the beard has accomplished:

• allowed me to go though a huge dry spell
• made a whole dining room of old people call me ugly
• allowed me to hear constant opinions from people whom I do and do not care about
• made me itchy
• made me a sloppier drinker than I already was
• scared all the freshman women away
• gave me a bunch of new nicknames and made people feel good about themselves for coming up with such witty names

I'm glad you all lead such frivolous lives that my hair is a huge source of amusement

Of course, this is stupid, because if it bothered me that much, I could just shave it. Though, I'm sure when I do, it will make the front page of the Inquirer.