Friday, September 29, 2023

The Medicine, Pat


I love bad art. Good art is good, but bad art is interactive and thought provoking. When I see bad art, my mind races. There are so many gaps to be filled. What possible circumstances allowed this to be made? What was the artist's intent? How did they fall so short? What scenario makes this experience better? Anyone who's purposely watched a bad movie to riff about it knows what I'm talking about. 

The Medicine is bad art. It's a middling indie rock album, occasionally overproduced, and always way too sentimental. While listening to it, my sister asked why I was playing a compilation of sad montage music from Grey's Anatomy. It would have been eternally doomed to the 96th hour of Spotify on shuffle, except for the fact that it's an EP by two-time Academy Award nominee and snow plow accident survivor Jeremy Renner. And that, my friends, raises the greatest question of all: why the fuck did Jeremy Renner write, record and release an EP called The Medicine right has the world entering COVID lockdown? I have some theories. 

1. Jeremy Renner is primarily a musician and was powerless to resist releasing an EP

Jeremy Renner has many talents. He is an actor, but also a home renovator, philanthropist, Rennervationist (that combines the previous two), martial arts practitioner, and expert heart attack faker. Renner also dabbles in music. "Dabble" is the operative word. The Medicine is his first EP and I can tell. Music seems to be a late-in-life endeavor for Renner, the same way I got really into growing pumpkins at age 29. I think Renner was totally capable of playing around with his guitar and not releasing an EP. 

2. Jeremy Renner wrote this as a gift/apology to his family

Listening to "Every Woman" and "Best Part of Me," my first thought was "Ouch. Somebody's been sleeping on the couch." Then again, there's a song on the EP called "Never Sorry." I might be too hopeful here. 

3. Jeremy Renner wants to license songs for commercials 

JEREMY RENNER: Jon? Jon Hamm, is that you?

JON HAMM: Oh, hey Jeremy Renner! I haven't seen you since we made The Town.

JEREMY RENNER: We were also in Tag together.

JON HAMM: Were we? Huh. I'll take your word for it.

JEREMY RENNER: Anyway, it's so funny I ran into you. Did you know I recorded an EP?

JON HAMM: No, I did not! Tell me more.

JEREMY RENNER: There's this one song I did called "December Days." And oh my god, it would be perfect for those "December to Remember Sales Event" commercials! You think you could pass it along to the suits at Lexus?

JON HAMM: Jeremy, I'd be honored or my name isn't Jon Hamm!

JEREMY RENNER: Wait, is it really? I always thought it was a stage name.

JON HAMM: Nope, I was just born to be a handsome guy. Isn't Hollywood great?!

[They clink their Screen Actors Guild awards together.]

4. Jeremy Renner is involved in a complex money laundering scheme 

I refuse to believe anyone paid money to listen to this EP. There's enough sorrow in the world already. 

5. Jeremy Renner recorded The Medicine as a way to give his life meaning after leaving the Explosive Ordinance Team

Sorry, I fell asleep watching The Hurt Locker. I don't think this happened.

6. Jeremy Renner made a deal with the Devil and this EP is his payment

The Codex Gigas is a gigantic 13th century manuscript that contains religious texts, medicinal recipes, histories, and magic spells. Legend has it that a lone monk was able to write it in a single night after making a deal with the Devil. The Devil left a signature in the book, in the form of a self-portrait. My first thought when I heard "Ghosts and Roses" was that Jeremy Renner did the same thing. Though if this is what he got for his soul, holy shit, Renner needs to get his lawyer to look at that contract, like, yesterday. That's Tesla-level quality on the Devil's part. 

7. Jeremy Renner is a generally oblivious guy who genuinely thought this was a great idea

There is no one in Jeremy Renner's orbit that possesses the iron will to tell Jeremy Renner that the video for "Main Attraction" is fucking ridiculous. And why should he doubt himself? Everything Jeremy Renner does is, on some level, pure gold. Even his failures are incredible. This is Jeremy's world and we're all just living in it. 

Rating: Incalculable, for The Medicine has brought me more joy by being shitty than it ever could have by being good. 

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