Deep Space, Pam

This week we are reviewing the album Deep Space by CANDIACE of RHoP fame. With the release and re-release of the album, CANDIACE has branded herself, as is seemingly customary to do within the RH franchises, as the R&B/soul musician housewife.

I know what you are all thinking. And it's not about the music. You're wondering, is that really all there is to translating your interests into your brand, as a Real Housewife? And, also, is it really that glamorous? Well, I'm here to tell you, as a real housewife of Northeast Philadelphia, that yes, it's all true.

You see, we may not all be housewives in the same town or part of the country, but we all have similar experiences. Just like the lady of the week herself, Candiace Dillard Basset, who has a tight touring schedule for promoting Deep Space, I have a very strict schedule for cleaning the bathrooms. I've never revealed my secrets before, but I do get lots of tips and cleaning hacks from influencers like Tidy Dad and Babs (IYKYK).

And take Robyn—she grappled with the decision to get a prenup when remarrying her former professional basketball player husband. You better believe that I, too, am entitled to half of the riches that playing the drums for the La Salle Explorer Pep Band has generated for my hubby.

Ashley has taken to social media and become a bit of a viral TikTok-er. I also consider myself to be a bit of an influencer—I've figured out how to block Diana and Roma videos from becoming part of our YouTube algorithm. And TikTok, specifically, has played an important role in our lives recently as we've begun using the 1990s anti-theft device The Club on our 2013 Kia Sportage since there have been several car thefts in our area involving youths and USB cables.

As a real housewife, I do feel the need to protect my circle and not bad-mouth CANDIACE. BUT, in the spirit of being a real housewife, I think that, as real housewives, we, well, keep it real. This album will have success within the RH and Bravo family, but I don't think it will reach too far past that. In a dive bar in Alaska, or a non-dive bar in Alaska, or a dive bar anywhere else, or a non-dive bar anywhere else—I think they would likely think "wtf is this generic uninspired crap that I'm listening to?" That's what those people would think in those bars.

I also feel like I shouldn't say this, but the branding aspect is really the ickiest part of this whole endeavor. It just makes the whole thing feel so fake. It's like how Kourtney Kardashian is peddling wellness in the form of gummies that support vaginal health. When did our vaginas all of a sudden become unhealthy? This veil of "wellness" is how something like putting yoghurt on tampons ends up becoming a thing. Branding is icky but at least CANDIACE's brand isn't as dangerous as these other dumb dumbs. And there's a somewhat creative aspect to it. Anyway, I'm thinking baby spit-up facials might be the new thing. There it is... there's my brand. And I have a surplus. Cha-ching. This counts as a review according to the Record Club tips for writing music reviews. Thanks for reading! If you liked this review, be sure to like and hit the subscribe button below for more hot takes!!