Day 86: I Have Never Eaten at Shoo Fry

A Quick Poutine Play in Three Acts

ACT I

[Curtains open. 2:00 AM, a red-eyed JOE opens the front door and walks to the register.]

SHOO FRY EMPLOYEE: Good evening sir, welcome to Shoo Fry at its new location in Fishtown. We are a build-your-own french fry bar that focuses on tasty local ingredients. What can I get you this evening?

JOE: [indiscriminate mumbling]

EMPLOYEE: I’m sorry sir, I couldn’t understand a word of that.

JOE: Sorry, my Philly accent is terrible when I’ve been drinking.

EMPLOYEE: So what can I get you?

JOE: A cup of water, to start, please. I have a wife to kiss tomorrow morning and she hates when my breath smells like Bud Light and I’ve had about twelve Bud Light pony bottles tonight so maybe I better drink a few waters and also I feel like I might throw up can I please have the scrapple poutine extra egg extra scrapple

[curtain]

ACT II

[2:15 AM]

EMPLOYEE: I have one order for a "Scrapple Jawn!"

[no answer]

EMPLOYEE: Um, sir? Your scrapple jawn?

[Still no answer. JOE remains the only customer in the restaurant.]

EMPLOYEE: Sir?

JOE: Is that mine?

ACT III

[2:30 AM]

EMPLOYEE: How is your poutine, sir?

[JOE has fallen asleep in his poutine.]

[EMPLOYEE holds up a cardboard sign that reads "Love, Joey." Curtain closes.]