I am a miser when it comes to the latest trends for children (stop trying to flip that water bottle, please), but I came into work today, and a fidget spinner was on my desk, so fuck it.
Does everyone reading this even know what a fidget spinner is? It’s a little toy that you hold by the bearing in the middle, and usually they have three points, and the thing spins around while you pinch it with your hand, and mostly you just look like a douchebag.
But my coworker thought I need one, because I am often fidgeting at my desk. She’s right, ya know. I do fidget constantly. "Shaky leg syndrome," some call it. Ask my wife Pam, and she’ll roll her eyes hard and talk about the earthquakes she sits through at dinner. I know my coworker has been feeling that same annoyance in the two months I’ve worked alongside of her, but she’s way too nice to call me out on it. So instead she bought me a child’s toy.
You see, some scientists claim that these fidget spinners help children to concentrate. They allegedly allow one to release his pent-up energy through the constant spinning of the toy, instead of, say, playing the air drums, or mumbling curse words under your breath. The science behind it, of course, is unproven. In fact, some teachers (and if I was a teacher, I’d be in this boat) claim that fidget spinners actually increase the distractions in the classroom, not diminish them.
I dunno. Sitting here at work, trying to type some notes, I found it to be a distraction too. Maybe my hands are too big to realistically use one. Maybe the slight contortions of my hand are painful on this day specifically, since they are all cut up from a drunk bike crash Friday night. Maybe I’m just not truly getting into the spirit of fidget spinning. Whatever the case may be, I don’t feel less distracted.
If I’m being honest with myself, I don’t mind messing around with the thing. I appreciate how it’s heavier than it appears, and the weight in my hand is comforting. And much like spinning a top on a table, it’s interesting to see how long you can get it to spin in your hand.
But seriously, guys, the people who say this is supposed to help children are full of shit. Ultimately, I think that’s what annoys me the most about bullshit fads like this. Why are people trying to defend as anything more than that? 20 years ago, when I was dumping my money into a Crazy Bone collection, no one was defending that shit as, like, a way to improve reaction time or as a cognitive brain exercise or whatever. They were just toys. Until I see a peer-reviewed scientific study on fidget spinners, then I’m just gonna assume this is just another way to get parents to piss away their money.
Love,
Joey
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