It was a blustery night in the winter of 2011. Those were our college days, and it was a Friday night, and we started to drink. The heavens opened, and a foot and a half of snow was just starting to accumulate on our back deck. We were, for all intents and purposes, snowed in.
Five of us sat in the living room, and only we five. Though the off-campus house I inhabited was but a one and a half blocks from campus, that distance was daunting in a blizzard. It was one of those nights that wherever you were, that's pretty much where you were gonna stay, and if you didn't think to get to Wister Beer earlier in the day, well, then you were shit out of luck.
Anyways, we were bored. What can five guys honestly do together snowed in? So we created a drinking game. Latin Kings.
The rules are based on the game of Kings, or as it is known in other neighborhoods, "Ring of Fire" or "Circle of Death." Take a deck of cards and spread them in a circle. Each number has a different value for regular Kings. Two is Waterfall, Jack is Categories, etc., etc.
That basic concept is stretched to absurd lengths for Latin Kings. Instead of each number standing for a different rule, every single card is a different rule. You need a list for this game. Here is that list:
RULES
2♦ — Give a non sequitur. If no one laughs, drink.
2♥ — Tell a structured joke (Knock Knock, etc.) If no one laughs, drink.
2♠ — Pick a booger and put it on the playing surface.
2♣ — Put your chin on the table for one turn.
3♦ — Waterfall, clockwise.
3♥ — Arm wrestle the person to the right.
3♠ — "Drunk Or Baby?" Whoever gets it wrong drinks.
3♣ — Say a lyric from your favorite song. People vote, and if you are voted down, drink.
4♦ — Everyone else do an impression of the card picker.
4♥ — Kiss the person to your left.
4♠ — Flex your muscles for all to see.
4♣ — Lick the playing surface.
5♦ — Hold your breath. If you can’t do it longer than everyone at the table, drink.
5♥ — Kiss the person to your left.
5♠ — Name your one desert island item. People vote. If voted down, drink.
5♣ — Say a haiku. People vote, and if voted down, drink.
6♦ — Swallow toothpaste.
6♥ — Finish your drink.
6♠ — Speak in Spanish for one turn.
6♣ — you can’t use names, nicknames, or point to a person for the rest of the game.
7♦ — your mother, saying “Sorry.”
7♥ — Play pattycakes. The person who fucks up first drinks.
7♠ — Take off your shoes and socks for the remainder of the game.
7♣ — Thumb wrestle someone. Loser drinks.
8♦ — Staring contest someone. Loser drinks.
8♥ — Take turns naming states and something associated with that state. Go clockwise. No repeats. Loser drinks.
8♠ — Name your favorite urban dictionary term and act it out
8♣ — Name a high school class and something you learned in it. Go clockwise. No repeats of general subjects.
9♦ — Name Bible characters. No repeats.
9♥ — Name a country and do an accent of someone from that country. People vote, and if voted down, drink.
9♠ — Name three genie wishes. People vote, and if voted down, drink.
9♣ — Name a Harry Potter character, and say the name in the voice of that character. Go clockwise. No repeats.
10♦ — Eat the nearest food.
10♥ — Name McDonald’s menu items. Go clockwise. No repeats.
10♠ — Quote a favorite movie. People vote, and if voted down, then drink.
10♣ — Be blindfolded for one turn.
J♦ — Name a category, and go around naming things from that category. No repeats.
J♥ — Tell a funny hook-up story. If no one laughs, then drink.
J♠ — Tell a funny drunk story. If no one laughs, then drink.
J♣ — Name your biggest sexual desire and act it out.
Q♦ — You are the question master for the rest of the game. If anyone answers and question you ask, then they drink.
Q♥ — Slap the person to the left.
Q♠ — You must get anyone a beer when they need it for the rest of the game.
Q♣ — Sing your Alma Mater.
K♦ — Bite weenus of the person to your left.
K♥ — Pull another card, and do double.
K♠ — Take off two articles of clothing for the rest of the game. Shoes, socks, and jewelry do not count.
K♣ — Truth or dare.
A♦ — Make a rule: math specific.
A♥ — Make a rule: person specific.
A♠ — Make a rule: body specific.
A♣ — Make a rule: verbal specific.
Joker (Black) — Everyone drinks for five seconds.
Joker (Red) — Everyone drinks for ten seconds.
Optional — Every time a ♠ is pulled, move one seat clockwise.
If you are familiar with ebb and flow of a typical party (one that involves drinking), then you know that any party can be broken up into three stages: 1) Everyone gets there and starts drinking, 2) Everyone is now drunk and the real fun starts, 3) People that are still here are shitfaced as the party starts to die down.
There is a good time to play Latin Kings (or really, any non-competitive drinking game), and it's right at the very end of Stage 1. If a game of Latin Kings is the end of Stage 1, then Latin Kings all but assures that you'll be safely riding right into Stage 2, because you all just got drunk by playing. You can't play too early in the night because people won't put their whole selves into the game. You can't play too late because being too drunk means you won't pay attention, and Latin Kings requires your UTMOST ATTENTION.
Yeah, Latin Kings isn't perfect. There are some rules that kind of suck, like "Sing a Song Lyric" or "Name a High School Subject." But hey, feel free to change them—Latin Kings is an amorphous game. Trust me, we did try changing a few over the years. Nothing has really stuck.
Some great times with this game. There was the time the game ended with Dwyer having to slap someone as hard as he could. There was the game Pam had to take off her pants, much to her chagrin and to my delight. Some toothpaste has been eaten, some cornbread spat in people's drinks, some epic arm-wrestling matches and some saucy make-outs and some very upset mothers receiving scary texts at three in the morning. Great times.
Still, I can't help but think that there's an even better Kings game out there, somewhere. That's something I'll be working on while I'm unemployed—a brand new Kings game with all new rules. And I'm thinking of making it team-based this time around. But we'll save that for some Thirsty Thursday in the near future!
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