Yes. Waaaaaaay back in September of 2008, Puke on Your Birthday had a wonderful little weekly column entitled "Thirsty Thursday," written by fellow PoYB staff member Michael. It was an attempt to chronicle the misadventures in dealing with alcohol. In other words, an exploration of the new and exciting ways to enjoy our favorite beverages.
We've already covered the tasty Shanty and the elusive Flaming Dr. Pepper [BOTH DELETED]. What's next?
This is my attempt to resurrect this long forgotten regular column, and what better time to do so then right before summer? Four months—that's 120 days—of nothing but Thirsty Thursdays.
So look for PoYB's "Thirsty Thursday" to appear, well, every Thursday, from now through the foreseeable future. I have as many as four ideas right now, so hey, enjoy it for the next four weeks at least.
And now, for Episode 3:
"Hermit"
I don't know about you, but I'm getting sick of beer pong. I know! Gah! Blasphemy! I'm still in college and I don't wet my pants over beer pong!
Seriously, though, it's getting boring. I mean, nothing changes. Line your cups up in a triangle formation. Shoot your ping pong ball. Chug a beer or two. Yell at your opponent for allowing his wrist to cross the length of the table. Etc. Etc. I've feel like I've played enough games to last me a lifetime. Furthermore, I feel like there's nothing left to accomplish. Team Green has made a name for itself. I've gone 20 wins in a row with Michael. And, to top it off, it just kinda of seems like such a... freshman thing to do. Ya know?
Even more upsetting is the fact that Kings, too, has fallen out of favor. While I may not have created the game of Kings, my Rockledge rules have been honed and perfected over time, and it's how we play around these parts. But even so, everyone just groans nowadays when they have to play yet ANOTHER round of "States" or "Never Have I Ever." It's worn out, baby.
So what next? Do we succumb to the wallet-emptying bar nights with old men, or the It's Always Sunny style poisoned flip cup, or the inane nights of just binge drinking and talking without games at all? Never. NEVER! A new game has risen from the ashes and threatens to take our Thursday nights by storm. Its name is "Hermit."
And actually, it will probably sound pretty stupid.
The basic premise is as follows: Everyone grab around five beers—six for the tough-guy drinkers, four for those who tend to vomit like I do, but NO LESS than four. Then find an isolated area. Everyone try to grab a different room. If there are more people than there are rooms, someone can sit in the closet, or maybe a top bunk while another person is bottom. Just make sure you cannot see anyone else.
Then everyone puts their cell phones in a bag. Then the curtains are drawn, the lights and all electronics are turned off (don't forget the microwave's clock!), and the electricity, if possible, is completely cut off.
The game lasts a half hour. You are not allowed to leave your isolated area, not for any reason short of mortal danger. You are not allowed to speak to or make any sort of contact with anyone whatsoever. Just sit in the dark in silence, and finish all your beers.
I know, I know. This sounds like a horrible idea. It sounds like every school counselor's worst nightmare. I mean, the reason we are not alcoholics is because we DON'T sit in the dark and drink by ourselves, right?
But, having played hermit once, I have to admit... it's pretty awesome.
First of all, the 30 minutes feel like five minutes. Seriously, it goes by in the blink of an eye. Secondly, without distractions, you are able to drink really quickly. Four beers in a half hour is double my usual pace, but I did it with ease. Thirdly, one must remember the ultimate purpose of the game—to jump-start a party. When the 30 minutes are up, the lights go back on, and everyone stumbles out of their hermit hole, quadruply drunker then they were before, and the party begins with a bang.
This summer I will try to convince my friends around the neighborhood to play hermit once, and they will all look at me and laugh and shake their heads and comment on how Puke on Your Birthday is full of dogshit, but I maintain my belief that Hermit is a respectable and ultimately worthwhile drinking game.
Better than beer pong, anyway.
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